A Case of the TERRIBLE TWOS

Lincoln has had more than enough "terrible two" moments these past few weeks, but some were definitely worse than other. A couple of weeks ago we had the worst of it....I hope. It was Tuesday night when it all started. Derek had a football game at 5:20. That's stretching it to get us all there at that time, but we hadn't missed a game. However, since Derek is the only one with kids, he tends to get there BARELY on time for the game to start. I was determined to have the kids and I totally ready when he got home, and to have the car packed and have his football attire ready for him to throw on. All was going well until I left the kids alone for no more thatn 3 minutes. Seriously. I had done glitter toes that morning while the kids were in the bath (so no one could bug me) and that must have sparked an idea in Lincoln's little head. While I was slipping on my shoes and socks he snuck in to the bathroom and found some beautiful bright pink nail polsih. He has always been good at getting lids off of things with litte effort and this time was no exception. He painted his toes and feet hot pink, painted Carter's toes and pants, and splattered it all over our nearly white carpet. It was a moment when I had reason to be my maddest, but I was so stunned I couldn't say a word, let alone yell. I quickly grabbed Lincoln and set him in the tub so he couldn't get nail polish ANYWHERE else. Then I got the polish off of Carter's toes and stripped his pants off of him. I made an attempt at the carpet, but the polish hardly budged. When I went back in to get Lincoln he had got a hold of a bottle of baby powder and dumped it all over his toes and legs (making it stick to the polish) and emptied the rest of it in the tub. All he could say was, "Mom! It's so pretty! Me piggies look so cute and pink!" When Derek got home we weren't ready, the boys had nail polish all over them, and Lincoln was talking about how pretty he looked. Derek wasn't thrilled about any of it, but the only thing we knew how to do right then was to chuckle.

Two days later I took the boys to get their pictures taken by our friend Laurie (http://www.lauriemillarphotography.blogspot.com). The boys were anything but charming for the pictures and we were all exhausted when we got home. I took Carter up and got him down for a nap. On my way out Lincoln greeted me and told me that he had sprayed an ant with ant spray. I panicked since ant spray isn't really kid friendly, but I thought I had put it up after using it earlier that day. And indeed I had. But no worries, Lincoln poured an entire bottle of 409, and entire bottle of CLR and and sprayed pledge on the ant. He was dead for sure, and my kitchen floor was a sticky, slippery swimming pool of cleaners. Yeah, dont' judge, my cleaners weren't properly stored obviously. Anyway, again, I was totally stunned so I set Lincoln in the family room and went to work soaking up, scrubbing and drying the mess. I ran the towels up to the washer and in that little window of time Linc got a bottle of baby lotion and smothered himself in it...head to toe. It was caked in his hair, on his hands and legs and all over his new shirt. Ugh. And as if we didn't already have enough going on that day, we had scheduled to meet up with some friends that night. What am I going to do with this child?

He's already learning the art of distraction to try to get out of trouble. The next morning he was playing in the bath with Carter and got frustrated so he leaned over and bit Carter on the upper back part of his leg. Holy cow! Carter didn't even know what to do with himself and I was ticked! I grabbed Lincoln and threw him in the crib (he had always HATED the crib) while I comforted and dressed Carter. When it was time to get Lincoln out I tried to calmly talk with him and explain what he had done wrong and why I was so upset. Everytime I'd start talking he'd quickly interrupt me by saying, "Mom, hey, Mom , do you hear the firetruck? Did you see fireworks..." Just a bunch of random jibber jabber. And the most frustrating part of it all was that it'd make me laugh everytime!

We haven't had anything as catastrophic as those things this week, but I think that's mostly due to the fact that I'm watching him like a hawk. I wonder what he's going to come up with next. Good thing I love the kid more than life itself!